hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

new post...................lol I did it

The Fucking Night Before Christmas

The Fucking Night Before Christmas,


'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Everybody felt shitty -- even the mouse.
Mom at the Whorehouse and Dad smoking grass;
I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass.

When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece to see what the matter
Then out on the lawn I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment: it must be Saint Nick.

He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment the fat fucker fell.
He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer
And a big rubber cow for my brother the steer.

He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart
The son of a bitch blew the chimeny apart,
He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight
"Piss on you all and have a hell of a night!"

Oh my God...A New One

I know I have not posted in quite a while. It is not that I have not had anything to post. I just did not feel like it. But I will post more now. So much has happened to me. There was a fire at my job and in the course of help to assist the store, I twisted my ankle pretty bad. The doctor said I almost broke it. So I was put on clerical duty for almost two weeks. My ankle is still only 95% better. My in-laws are fighting with each and bringing it to my house. So no peace in my house. I want to get away for a few days. I need to get away. Works Sucks. There are a group of lazy people at my job. I still have a bad ankle and they are giving me more work than the other Team Leads. They plan projects for me without telling me and I get "volunteered" for things without my knowledge and sprung on me at the last minute. I work harder and faster with a bad ankle than most others at my job with two good ankles. It is sad. I am tired.

Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name of Common Sense who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Finally, Common sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still know him pass this on, if not join the majority and do nothing.

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD


Well, it's shit... that's right, shit!Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.

Consider:You can get shit-faced, Be shit-out-of-luck, Or have shit for brains.

With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit, or be asked to shit or get off the pot.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit
.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.
And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!

Well Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head..........SHIT HAPPENS

My Real Name

Today, I found out my real name. It is Ka-el aka Superman. Today was another bad day at work. For some reason, I am the only one that everyone come to solve problems. I can't take a break or eat lunch without someone wanting me to help them or do something. Sometime, I wonder if everyone around me (at work) is invisible and can not be seen, because my name is the only one that everyone knows. Somedays, I just want to take off the cape and boots and just rest. I am tired of lazy people. Somedays, I wish I could go to work with a baseball and hit a couple of homeruns on a lot of people heads. There is a lot of people at my job that just needs a swift kick in the as to jump start their brains or what they call a brain. Because there are days that this "superman" can not stop all of the speeding bullets or outrun a speeding train.

Christmas Cyber

"Twas, the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, except for my mouse.

No kids lived with me, so I thought I would chatter,
There'd be no damn reindeer, and no stupid clatter.

There'd be no fat elf, coming through my chimney,
I'll be alone, my computer and me.

I won't race to the window, to see him arrive,
I'll just sit right here.... with windows ninety-five.

There's no one I know, as I'm surfing around.
None of my regular buddies are found.

I went in some chat rooms, but quickly got out,
Age, sex, location is all that's about.

As, I was about to go check out the net,
I got an E-mail which I didn't expect.

A lady told me, she had read my profile,
And, asked, If I might like to chat for a while.

She said, if I didn't, then she would just leave,
But, she was so lonely, on this Christmas Eve.

She said, it's the first time, she'd ever been on,
But, she heard, computers, could be so much fun.

She said, the computer, was usually locked tight,
But, she said, her husband, left it on... tonight.

He's away on some business; He'll be gone all night,
So, she thought she'd use it, "I guess it's all right."

she started to tell me, about her whole life,
How, she was expected to be a good wife.

She talked of her anger, frustrations, and needs,
Because, she was forced, to do such silly deeds.

She talked on and on, from one thing to the next,
Then finally told me..... she was oversexed.

She didn't have sex, with her husband, she told,
He's always too busy, and getting too old.

Then, she wrote me something, that made my heart vex,
She asked me to teach her, to have cyber-sex.

I said, if she wanted me to, that I could,
Then after an hour, she got really good.

After five hours, my fingers were sore,
I told her, that I couldn't go anymore.

She said, that was fine, because she was tired too,
And anyway, her husband, soon would be due.

She said she would be on, the same time next year,
Then asked, if I wouldn't mind, meeting her here.

She said, only.... on this night, she could be found,
It is only.... this night, her husband leaves town.

She said bye, and signed off....and I had to pause,
I think I just cybered......with Mrs. Santa Claus!!!!